Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
