i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
