So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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