You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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