What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
