Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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