Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
