Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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