im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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