he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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