just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
