I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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