I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
