I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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