The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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