now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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