I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
