"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
