Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
