burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
