this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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