dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
