well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
