I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
