it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
