I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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