I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
