we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
