well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
