But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
