JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
