i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He has the fingertips of a God
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