Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
