Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
