I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
