I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
