people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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