how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
