I cannot find my penis.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
