yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
zippers are such a cool invention
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
