we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
