if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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