The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
