Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
