but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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