I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
