The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
