no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
