i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
