look no pants
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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