Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
