R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
