I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You've changed since you got that strap on
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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