He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
