So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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