I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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