I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Blow job season was short but glorious.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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