dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
