dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
