And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
