Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
